Martins

Sure looks like a nice place you've got here.

Sorry, though, no time to look around.

Y'know, it's just non-stop when you're a top model.

You wouldn't believe me if I told you how it's all taken off in the past coupla' months - ever since I did that spread in Boy Butt Monthly.

Pun? What's a pun? He'll, whatcha talkin' about, man?

A beer? No, I never drink beer on the job. Makes my face turn red. And, you never know, I might get carried away and do somethin' I shouldn't. Gotta stay professional, y'know…

Mind if I help myself to a glass of milk, though?

That was good…

Now, whad'ya want me to do first?

Shirt off?

Most guys like me to take the shirt off first. Sort of somethin' and nuthin' about it, I guess. You think you're gonna get to see somethin' - but really it's nuthin' at all. Gee, you'd see more on the beach for Crissakes…

But I guess you gotta start somewhere?

Camera ready?

Gee, d'you smell somethin' in here?

What is it, man?

One thing's for sure… It ain't me.

If you're gonna be spendin' your day takin' your clothes off under bright lights and havin' a macro lens shoved just about everywhere, one thing's for sure - you gotta keep clean and sweet.

And I sure as hell am!

So… Can't hang about.

Gotta keep on the move.

Sometimes, if I'm in a big city, I can get to see three or four photographers in a single day, y'know.

So I gotta keep everything movin' along.

Friendly - but strictly professional - that's me.

So - what's next?

Pants off?

Y'know, sometimes I think I'd be better off gettin' a cheap pair of pants like strippers wear - you just pull them off with a single quick yank.

Definitely quicker.

But then I think - no, I'm a top model now. I've got standards to keep up.

After all, when was the last time you saw Christie Turlington trying lipsticks at K-Mart - or Naomi Campbell buying tights at Target?

No, I may be known better for taking my clothes off - but I still like them to look good while they're on!

And that goes for underwear too.

Lots of guys say white is best - sexier.

But, like you see, I'm fair-haired and pretty light skinned.

So I go for something for contrast.

Blue's good for me.

And nothing too obvious, either… No thongs… No tassles… No feathers…

Just simple, classic stuff - the sort of thing you see the boy-next-door's mom putting on the washing line.

Anyway, we've done the underwear - now, what's next?

Teasing stuff… OK.

Something a little on the soft side next, huh?

And you'll want to see my best asset, I guess? (Gee, man, I told ya - what the fuck's this pun thing you keep goin' on about?)

Got enuf now?

Good.

OK - I've just got time left to give you the money shot.

You ready?

No second take with this one, y'know…

OK, man… Gotta go now.

Thanks for the cash.

Yeah, we'll do it again soon - when I'm next in town…

Now, what's the best way back to the airport?